Booze is a wonderful thing. It was always our excuse. And now weve spent time together sober, alone, just us, it feels completely different. Ive started to question what it is I actually want. Ive started to question what it is HE actually wants.

“We’ll sit and watch TV, till we fall asleep, it’s not very exciting, but its me and you”

I used to be scared by the feeling Id get when I knew he was in the room, now i crave it. My stupid imagination is going into overdrive and I cant for the life of me stop it. He’s so hard to read. Friends say i should just swallow my pride and go for what I want, which I did, and I was successful, but now I want more and I dont know if Ive got the nerve to push for it again. I guess thats what I scared of. Pushing my luck.

“Up until now I had sworn to myself that Im content with loneliness, because none of it was ever worth the risk but you, are, the only exception”

Im so conscious of the way I went about things the last time I felt this way, and how it was eventually my downfall, but then I also want to scream at the top of my lungs. Im so totally ahead of myself. All I really want is to be in his company. I can be satisfied with that. I hate not knowing when thats going to be. Work makes it so hard. At least I dont have to feel that way at work anymore, constantly looking out for that leather jacket, losing my words when he spoke to me.

“Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you. And now it chills me to the bone, how do I get alone?”

In the end Im just going to let it happen on its own. Its starting to annoy me already, I cant concerntrate on anything, I jump when my phone goes, even though I know it wont be him. I just want to know what he wants. Not necciserily in me, but in anyone. Is this worth even considering or should I move on before I get in too deep. There obviously some recipriction, but how much? I can feel myself slipping and a stupid speed, but its only him that can provide the breaks.

LJD

xxx